Nosferatu and John Travolta: How The Shadow Of The Past Lingers and How Coaching Can Help
There’s a concept in life coaching and psychology world called ‘the Shadow’.
Sounds ominous right? Shadows are usually dark, after all. In the film Nosferatu, his shadow is cast on the wall with long hands tipped with ten-inch acrylic nails like he’s just come out of a high street nail salon. Then there’s the menacing shadow used by Hitchcock to hide the true identity of the killer, Norman Bates, in Psycho. There are few instances I can think of where the shadow is seen in a positive light (excuse the pun)—unless it’s the kind cast by a tree providing shade whilst we sip our margarita on a hot day.
According to Carl Jung, the shadow is:
“The unconscious aspect of the personality that the ego does not recognise or accept, often containing repressed and undesirable qualities.”
In other words it’s all the messy stuff we’d rather pretend doesn’t exist. It’s exhausting keeping all that ‘stuff’ under wraps.
It’s Pride Month this July, events are happening all around the world to celebrate, affirm, and advocate for the dignity, rights, and visibility of LGBTQ+ people.
But here’s the serious bit, for the LGBTQ+ community and other marginalised groups, shadows aren’t just metaphors, they are real. In many parts of the world, being gay is still illegal. Its absurd to think my partner and I still have to check if it’s safe to hold hands as two men in the street in a particular country when we are planning our holidays.
I know I have shadows from my past. I’m an older gay man who lived through the moment of the first gay kiss on television: Colin kissing Barry (not even on the lips!) in EastEnders, which caused a wave of national outrage, fuelled by the likes of holier-than-thou Mary Whitehouse, who claimed it that televising the event was the moral decline of the BBC. I remember being in the proverbial closet at the time and really wanting to wake up the next day as a straight dude lusting after Olivia Newton-John instead of John Travolta in a white tux.
Anyway, fast-forward several decades and all is relatively good… but I still have a Shadow. We all do, to some degree.
In coaching, the Shadow can show up as:
• Self-sabotage
• Overreaction to feedback or conflict
• Projection
• Unrealised potential
• People-pleasing
The good thing is, by becoming aware of our shadows, we can start to recognise them, and if we recognise them, we can deepen our awareness, get unstuck, and move forward. It’s not a miracle cure for the effects of the Shadow, but it is an act of reclaiming it.